


touch the northern lights (i wanna leave this world behind)

by americium_amicum



Category: Fifth Harmony (Band)
Genre: F/F, Future Fic?, No idea how to tag lol, Non AU, Road Trips, Weddings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-02
Updated: 2016-06-02
Packaged: 2018-07-11 20:00:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7067968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/americium_amicum/pseuds/americium_amicum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yes, they were on hiatus. How long said hiatus was going to last - or if it was just a way of easing them out of the spotlight before they disappeared completely and permanently - Lauren didn't really know. </p>
<p>Yes, this was an important moment in Ally's life. She was getting married, for god's sake, and even if Lauren was halfway across the world, she would fly back just to be there with her girls again.</p>
<p>And yes, she hasn't talked to Camila in months, much less seen her.  A lot of shitty things happened right before their break - a lot of shitty things that she could be blamed for, honestly - and neither of them really had the heart to talk to each other about any of it. </p>
<p>But when Camila shows up at her door, just a few weeks before the wedding, smiling as if nothing ever changed when she knew that everything just did, Lauren feels like she's sixteen all over again.</p>
<p>And sixteen year old Lauren Jauregui could do a lot of things, but if there's one thing that she couldn't do, it's saying no to Camila Cabello.</p>
<p>("So I was thinking that maybe we should go on a road trip to Ally's wedding."</p>
<p>"Oh. Um, okay.")</p>
            </blockquote>





	touch the northern lights (i wanna leave this world behind)

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! So this is my first ever Camren fic. Actually, this is also the first fic I have ever posted on ao3, so bear with me. However, comments are highly encouraged and appreciated :)
> 
> Anyway, this fic is probably going to get a bit interesting (at least, I hope so). Each chapter will alternate from the present setting in that fic (which is actually a few years into the future in real life - the girls will be in their mid-20's) and the past (from the xfactor onwards). It will get to a point of course, when the past will be completely told and we would have to keep moving in the present setting of the fic. If this sounds a bit confusing, don't worry! I will indicate the year that each chapter will take place, just to make it easier to keep track of events :)
> 
> With that said, the first chapter starts in the present setting of the fic. I hope you guys enjoy the ride as much as these two do!

This was going to sound really weird, coming from Lauren fucking Jauregui, of all people, but - 

She actually missed waking up in the morning against her will.

Again. Completely crazy thought. 

But also very true.

Because while Lauren hated anything and everything before the clock struck 11, or at least before she’s had her daily dose of caffeine, she can’t help but love the people she spent her morning hours with. 

She loved how easy it was to talk to her members, her friends. How they put up with her even though she was pretty sure she had done something to piss them off at some point. How they just knew that she had to drink her coffee silently, brooding, before she could participate in any form of social interaction whatsoever.

She loved how Normani just understood her. How a look was always enough between the two of them. How similar they were. 

She loved how Dinah was always just the right amount of crazy, how her shitty and crass sense of humor always seemed on par with her own. How she basically did all of the crazy shit Lauren wanted to do right by her side (read: an unknown amount of alcohol and two rolled joints all in one night).

She loved how Ally was always so caring, so considerate. She always took the time to know her members, was always there for them no matter what. Which is why Lauren knew that even though Ally cried the most in front of other people, she was far from being the weakest. If anything, she was the one person that kept them all together.

And even now, almost six months after they’ve officially announced a hiatus as a group, and have gone their own separate ways, at least for the time being - 

Ally was the one bringing them back together. 

The invitation came a few weeks ago in the mail, and she almost choked on her coffee before she could fully process what was written.

Ally. Troy. Wedding.

She could barely contain the happiness that suddenly surged through her body, and she ended up calling Ally right there, telling her something along the lines of ‘well I always did know you guys were going to work it out in the end, and of course I’ll be there god I’m a bitch but I’m not missing out on the wedding of one of my best friends’.

Needless to say, Lauren was excited. 

It would be nice to get back together, Lauren thought, even for just a few days. It’ll be like old times, and she couldn’t care less if Camila -

Right. Of course. Camila was going to be there.

Camila. Camila. Camila.

There were two versions of that story. 

The short version was that she fell - she fell so fucking hard that by the time she realized she was going to hit the ground she couldn’t even brace herself for the impact. She was sixteen and stupid and so in love with Camila Cabello, and all the alcohol and the drugs and even the other men and women in the world couldn’t change that.

And the long version?

That’s the story that keeps Lauren awake every night. It was like a bedtime story, except the only reason she even fell asleep afterwards was because she just got so damn tired of crying.

She didn’t really know why she kept beating herself up over this. She’s almost 24 now, and she didn’t even see the point of it all anymore.

She didn’t see the point of staying in love with the best friend who has made it clear, several times, that they could never go beyond whatever they had. 

Eight fucking years. God, she was pathetic. 

Lauren glanced at the clock. 10 am. 

She changed her mind. Sleep is so much better than dealing with this shit in the morning.

\-----

Now, Lauren was smart. Everyone knew that. 

But things were different now. Right now, she has never felt smarter in her entire life. 

Because she had done it. She had finally figured out the universe. She had finally gotten over the whole existential crisis shit that everyone keeps complaining about, because everything made sense to her now.

Why was she made, you ask. What is her purpose in this world. What is her relevance in this godforsaken universe.

The answer to that is so easy, now that she’s thought about it.

The universe brought her here - 

to fuck with her. 

That’s it.

Because that’s the only rational explanation that her brain could offer her right now. 

You see, the day started off the way it always did - with Lauren grumbling and almost sleepwalking to the kitchen. Except this time, instead of finding her parents there, she found a note stuck to the fridge, saying that they’ll be out for a while, but they’ll probably be back after lunch.

Before Lauren could even process anything, there was a knock on the door. Lauren looked at the time - 9 am - and frowned. It couldn’t be her parents, because even her dazed mind knew that after lunch was still, like, a few hours away. 

But this is where shit goes down. This is where the universe decided that ‘hey, maybe we should mess with Lauren’s head again, yknow just a little, because she’s more fun that way’.

Fuck you too, universe.

Because when she opened the door, the last person that she thought she ever wanted to see (and the first person whose name was engraved in the deepest parts of her soul, and in every fiber of her being), was standing right there in front of her.

Skirt and - holy fuck it’s been a long time since she’s worn that - bow and all.

"Camz," Lauren breathed. 

Let’s just set a few things straight. Lauren didn’t mean to call her by her nickname. Lauren didn’t even realize what she had called her until seconds after it had already slipped from between her lips.

And she definitely did not mean for it to sound the way it did, as if she were submerged in the ocean and Camila was the only thing stopping her from completely drowning, as if she had been holding her breath all along and had only let go when she saw the other girl in front of her.

It was a bit unsettling - terrifying, if Lauren were to be completely honest - but she can't remember a time when Camila didn't make her feel that way.

"Hey, you." Camila smiled, and right there and then (even if she didn't know it yet) Lauren forgave her. 

Just like that. 

She felt months of anger and sadness and hurt leave her body like they had just realized that they were never supposed to be there in the first place, especially not now, in the face of this girl with the breathtaking smile and eyes that held so much more than anyone ever knew.

What else could Lauren do, really, but smile back?

"Mind letting me in?" Camila had one of her eyebrows raised, and then there was that teasing smile settled on her lips, right on the verge of a full blown smirk.

Well, fuck.

Lauren can't even manage to count the number of times her heart managed to stop and resuscitate itself just now. 

She cleared her throat - a nervous habit that she acquired years ago - and let the other girl in. "Of course." Lauren tried to smile again, albeit weakly. "I apologize for the mess, I literally just woke up."

Camila laughed and looked at her affectionately, "I expected as much. I consider myself pretty lucky that someone even opened the door." The younger girl sat down on their couch, making herself comfortable. After all, the Jauregui household was practically her second home in Miami, and no falling out could ever change that. "Where's Mike and Clara, by the way?"

Lauren shrugged as she started up the coffee maker. "Not really sure. Just left me a note and shit." They both stayed silent for a while, until Lauren looked up at Camila, curiosity written all over her features. "What are you doing here anyway?"

"Can't a girl just visit her best friend?"

Lauren thought of drawing the line there, because she hasn't been feeling like a best friend lately, and she knew Camila thought so too. She could say a lot of things in reply as well, like 'Best friends don't really do the shit we do' or even the more creative (and slightly more petty) 'I thought Taylor was your best friend now'. 

But it was 9 in the morning, and she hasn't even had her coffee yet, and Camila was literally right there, and she just looked so beautiful today, so Lauren ended up grinning and looking as stupid as ever whenever the other brunette was involved.

She hated herself a little sometimes.

Camila continued to browse through the magazines sprawled out on the coffee table, until her eyes landed on a particular envelope caught in the mess of it all. Lauren looked on as Camila touched the embossed letters, laughing softly.

"Can you believe it though? Ally getting married. I know we used to joke about it or whatever, but I never thought it would happen, like, this soon."

"Let's be honest, Ally's been ready for this for a long time now," Lauren chuckled, before adding, "God knows she's the only one in our group who can actually handle that kind of commitment." 

It was a bit of a low blow, Lauren knew that. They both did. And when she happened to look back at Camila just then, she thought she saw a flash of hurt streak across her face. 

She kind of regretted saying it now. 

Camila shook her head for a bit, and it was gone before Lauren could even figure out whether she should apologize or not.

"So, um, when do you plan to leave? For Texas, I mean," Camila asked.

"I was thinking like a few days before, you know, just in case Dinah tries to be her usual dumbass self and throw like an impromptu bachelorette party or something," Lauren deadpanned. 

Camila laughed louder this time, imagining Ally in all her drunken glory, walking down the aisle and then passing out just as she got to her soon-to-be husband. "I wouldn't exactly put it past Dinah to give Ally a hangover on the day of her wedding." 

They were laughing now, and well, even Lauren had to admit that this was nice. This felt like the kind of friendship they had before it got complicated as fuck. 

This is the kind of thing Lauren can handle. This thing didn't make her want to run and throw herself off a cliff.

This was the kind of thing she longed for every night since their break started. 

After they managed to calm themselves down, she heard Camila sigh. "I miss the girls a lot. Like, I talk to them as often as I can, of course, but it's just different, you know? At one point in our lives we were spending more time with each other than with our families, and now we're just so far apart."

Lauren could hear the nostalgia in her voice, a particular kind of homesickness - one she knew all too well - lacing every word. She didn't really know when the meaning of homesickness for them changed from missing their families in Miami to missing their girls and their tour bus. She didn't really know when she started to see these girls as her home. But that was the way it was now, and no one could ever really understand them except each other.

Maybe this is what pushed Lauren towards the girl who was currently seated in her couch. Maybe this is what made her place her arm around the younger girl's shoulders in an attempt to comfort her. 

(And yet, maybe, it was so much more than that.)

"I miss them too. I, uh, haven't really made the effort to talk to them as much, except for a few texts here and there, but yeah. I get it."

Camila leaned into Lauren, almost instinctively, and for a while Lauren forgets. Forgets why she ever spent that much time wallowing in depression and misery and pain when she could have been holding this girl the whole time. 

Lauren forgets everything.

But only for a while. 

Camila chose that moment then, as if she knew what Lauren was thinking, to look up at her, face only a few inches away, arms wrapped tightly around her waist. "I think I missed you the most, though."

"Oh." Lauren tried not to cry. And because she couldn't really think of anything else to say, at least not now when she felt like she was close to getting some sort of cardiac arrest, she joked, "Well it makes sense, I mean, you could never really stay away from me for too long."

Lauren didn’t actually know what to expect when she said that. Maybe a smile. Maybe a laugh. Maybe even a quick, flirtatious reply that would make her heart feel like it was trying to beat out of her chest - like a sledgehammer. (Excuse the pun.)

Whatever it was, it wasn’t what she got. What she got was Camila staring into her eyes the way she always did - like she was searching for something. 

Or maybe, like she just found exactly what she’s been looking for. 

"I mean it, Lauren. I really hate what happened to us, and I can't keep doing this with you, because this just sucks and-"

Alright. Lauren had to draw the line now. Because truth be told, this is one conversation that she wasn’t quite ready for. And maybe it’s something she will never really be ready for. 

And yes, she knew that you can’t just run away from problems forever. That eventually, it would have to come to that, and it might not end well for either of them if they kept prolonging this the way they were doing now.

But Lauren Jauregui is anything if not stubborn, and so she will keep running. At least until she runs out of breath, or until Camila finally catches up. Whichever comes first.

"Camz, it's fine. Really. We don't have to talk about it." Lauren tried to give Camila the most genuine smile she had ever given her in months, and Camila was taken aback, just for a moment. But Lauren knew that she could see right through her facade, because it wasn’t as strong and as flawless as it used to be. 

And Lauren had a feeling that Camila knew, more than anyone else, that trying to get through the cracks would lead to nothing but absolute devastation.

This was what made Camila drop her gaze, defeat found in every part of her body except for her eyes, where a silent promise had been made to try harder later. 

Camila always had been as stubborn as her. That’s what got them here in the first place.

"Well, okay," Camila nodded slowly. She pursed her lips, like she was trying to come up with a good way to segue into her next thought without sounding too rushed and awkward. "Anyway, I was thinking."

Lauren smirked. "Congratulations, I guess."

Camila narrowed her eyes at Lauren playfully. "No, shut up, let me finish." Camila became a bit nervous all of a sudden, although Lauren couldn’t figure out why. "So I was thinking that you and I should go on a road trip to Ally's wedding."

Oh. That’s why.

Lauren blinked, expression remaining blank as she watched Camila fidget in her seat. "You mean, like, drive? All the way from Miami to Texas?"

It was Camila’s turn to smirk this time. "Well that's what they typically do on road trips, Lauren."

Lauren rolled her eyes and grinned, "Smartass. I mean, why? We could always just fly in. More practical and shit. Like, think about the gas money."

"I told you. I miss you. Like a lot. And I want to spend some time with you, get this thing-" she gestured wildly in front of her "- between us out of the way. You're my best friend. I just," Camila huffed, a bit frustrated at this point. "I want you to stay in my life, despite everything we've been through. You just have to know that-"

Lauren watched as Camila took a deep breath, closing her eyes for a bit, before opening them again. They looked different now - a bit scared, but definitely softer, more gentle. "You have to know that you are, and always will be, my person, Lauren."

Now, again, Lauren was smart. She liked to believe that she was smarter than most people her age.

Because when the girl you’ve been in love with for eight years tells you that you’re her person, and asks you to go on a road trip with her, she knew there could only ever be one answer.

"Oh. Um, okay."

"Okay?" Camila smiled hopefully.

Lauren took a deep breath. The kind that you felt in your bones, the one that sent air rushing to every space, every crevice that hasn’t been filled yet.

It’s a stupid move though, Lauren thought as a rueful smile made its way onto her face. It’s stupid because - 

Every space, every crevice in Lauren was already filled up by Camila.

"Yeah, I mean, I'll go on a road trip with you."

She could think of a million ways this whole thing could go wrong. But when she had Camila Cabello smiling at her like she was the one who brought the stars and the northern lights and every other beautiful thing into existence - well, Lauren thought, this couldn’t possibly be the worst thing in the world.


End file.
